A Beautiful Mess...

I never instruct my 5 year old to color within the lines or my 15 year old to pick a career now. I just allow them to explore, break common rules, and find their definition of success. Am I dampening their progression by not placing pressure on them to choose now or am I destroying them by not giving clear direction? I doubt if I'd ever be able to "WANT" them to choose or WANT them to get it "right" now. I just want them to live and find out what works for them. I want them to be happy in the journey, than moreso the destination. I want them to know the options they have before them and be ok their choice. I want them to not thrive off of accomplishments for others to be in awe, but thrive off the innate & sheer joy of "I found what makes me smile" regardless of who notices. It's the formula I live by, and maybe it's not typical, but it makes for happy kids in a happy home. It makes for a "I'm glad you're my mommy" comment every now and again. It makes for this life isn't that hard after all.

I thought I could find the formula for success by taking away a lot of creative ideas or not going on the hunch of what feels good at the moment, but what I found deep down was a slight anguish that took away that child like magic of exploration that I hold dear in my heart. When I worked at Disney back in '06, I was told that if I didn't exhibit that particular child like Disney magic I could get fired. My first thought was "Whoa, would if one day I come in and I have a bad day?" I was terrified. However, what I discovered was in all of it's grandeur of happiness,  I didn't have a bad day because I actually loved my job. I actually loved the fact that I fit right in with all my crazy ideas and wild ideas. I've FINALLY recognized in all of my eclecticism, I'm actually happy. °°°·.°·..·°¯°·._.· 𝔻𝕠𝕖𝕤 𝕚𝕥 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕞𝕖 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕤𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕤 𝕠𝕣 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕝𝕕𝕝𝕪 𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕔𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕗𝕦𝕝? ℕ𝕒𝕙....𝕀𝕥 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕤 𝕞𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕪. ·._.·°¯°·.·° .·°°° I was so worried about living the meaning of success that everyone else around me has that I lost myself in wanting to be "rich" & like everyone else. Tbh, I just want to be wealthy with love, friends, and family. I want to explore the world with my nonperfect friends, come up with crazy ideas, and just live in an unorthodox manner. I'm your modern day black girl hippie, so to say. I just don't want to  color within the lines or choose ye this day a 9-5 that would drain the life outta me. I'm ok & I love that I have not found the perfect way yet. Reaching outside myself for happy made me realize that happy would always be over there.Over there somewhere that I could never reach. So in my imperfect way, I had to be honest with myself, I would rather tie all these loose ends of my creativity one day in the future, but as of right now I just want to see what this mind can conjure up for the time being. Is it justifiable that I want to glean on to this magic until I die and not follow the unwritten rules of adulthood of find your way, structure your way, and do it this way now or you'll keep going around this never ending merry go round of life that has no stop to the madness? Nah it's not justifiable and it may never give me an means to an end. I'm just happy being able to wake up and say I don't have regrets. I meet some pretty dope people in whatever I choose to do. I love each and every detail of my unscripted life, and you know what I think I'll try something else new today. Sad...to you, yes..but to me I'm loving this beautiful mess I've made. Think I'll add some more colors, and be ok that I seriously am ok with being a beautiful mess.

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